“My child has big emotions and meltdowns, especially at home. Is this connected to DLD or is it something separate?”
Written By:
Maura O’Fallon, PhD, CCC-SLP
University of Delaware
This is a question we hear a LOT from parents of kids with Developmental Language Disorder (DLD). While there isn’t a short answer to this question, there is a lot of research on how emotions, behavior, and language disorders (like DLD) go together.
DLD and Big Emotions: What the Research Says
Language and social-emotional development are related. When we say “social emotional development,” we’re talking about feelings, behavior, and getting along with others. Research shows that kids who have a hard time with language ALSO tend to have social-emotional problems. In fact, anywhere from 54-80% of children with language disorders also have behavioral problems. It’s important to know that behavioral problems can look different for different kids, or at different times. Sometimes, behavior can be really big and noticeable. Think about things like pushing, throwing things, yelling. Other times, behavior can be quiet and hard to see. Think about a kid who shuts down, goes to their room, or avoids communicating with others. Both types of behaviors are common among kids with DLD.
Why do DLD and Meltdowns Go Together? And What Can I Do?
Emotional regulation requires us to notice and understand feelings, which often involves naming our own feelings. For kids with DLD, who struggle with vocabulary, naming complex emotions is tricky. Many kids with DLD have a smaller vocabulary for emotions, and use general labels like “happy,” “mad,” or “sad.” They may know what they are feeling, but not have a word for it. When kids can’t label their feelings, it’s harder to manage or regulate those feelings.
What Can I Do? Model talking about emotions and feelings, both your own and your child’s. When talking about your own emotions, you can say why you are feeling that way and try to model some regulating strategies like deep breathing or taking a short break. For example, “Ugh! I can’t open this jar! I’m so frustrated! I’m going to put it down and walk away for a minute.” You can also label emotions from characters in books, movies, or TV shows. Here, it can be helpful to explain the potential cause of the emotion and point out facial features or gestures that are emotion clues. For example, “Oh no, I think that girl is disappointed. She didn’t win the race, and it looks like she is looking down with a sad face.”
For some kids with DLD, being misunderstood or not being able to say what they want can trigger a meltdown. Think about how you feel when you’re talking with someone and you can’t get a point across. It is frustrating, and for children who are still learning how to regulate their emotions, this can tip into a tantrum, meltdown, or shutdown. This behavior is a form of communication.
What Can I Do? When your child gets frustrated during a communication breakdown, that emotional escalation can make it even HARDER for them to communicate. You can try to help them calm down by validating their emotions. What this looks like is naming how they are feeling and showing them that you understand. You can say, “I can tell you’re feeling frustrated. That’s not a nice way to feel, huh?” After validating the emotion, you can model some self-soothing strategies (ex: taking a deep breath, giving yourself squeezes). Once your child has calmed down, you can try figuring out what they were trying to communicate using a strategy that works for your family. Strategies might include asking the child to draw their message or answer simple questions (ex: Who made you sad? What did you want?).
And finally, try to remember that there’s a LOT of language that’s hidden in everyday life. This means that things we do all the time (listening to directions, reading and answering questions, getting ready for school, joining a conversation) can be hard for kids with DLD. At the end of the day, they are tired from working hard to understand and use language. This might mean that they have a shorter fuse than usual when they get home. Also, home is probably your child’s safe space. So they might feel more free to let those feelings fly after a long day at school.
What Can I Do? Change the environment to make listening and using language easier.
Reduce background noise (turn off the TV or radio).
Break a task into smaller steps.
Use simple language.
Offer breaks.
Offer choices (ex: Do you want to do math or science first?).
Use visual supports, like this free option Cat Mountain: Pick the Cat That Matches Your Mood Today - Emotions Check-In Free Printable PDF - Free Social Work Tools and Resources: SocialWorkersToolbox.com.
You know your child best, and you do not need to do ALL of these strategies. Pick what works best to support your child.
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